Disclaimer: I wasn’t planning to post this. I actually wrote this months ago. I didn’t want it to make people feel awkward or obligated. (You’ll understand as you read). But… I feel like I need to share because this is part of life, and part of my struggles.
Based on a conversation with other moms a few weeks ago, I think many can relate. My hopes are that by sharing our hearts we can help each other reach truth and self acceptance. So please know, I’m not doing this in an attempt to seek attention, I’m doing this in an attempt to seek healing. I’m also posting this for all other women who struggle with feelings of loneliness to know: You are not alone.
You know that saying, “Nothing good every happens after midnight?” Well, in mom terms that translates to “Nothing good every happens after 9:00PM.” This seems especially true tonight.
Scrolling through social media late at night is just not a good idea for me… I felt pretty good about myself right before I opened up my computer, and now I am in tears. (This outcome is also magnified by hormones LoL) All I could see was the success of others that I didn’t have yet, the parties and celebrations that I wasn’t invited to, and the friends and deep connection with others that seemed out of my reach.
My heart is breaking. I feel like I don’t belong. I feel unwanted. I feel unlovable. I feel forgotten. I feel a deep ache in my heart. I feel a longing in my heart for connection. Real connection. A connection I had with a group of friends in college. We could openly share our struggles, our joys, our awkwardness with each other without any judgement, knowing we’d have unconditional love for each other…. I miss that kind of connection.
So now who do I talk to? I feel like I really don’t have that one girlfriend that I can spill my guts to. (Update: I know this is now a lie, as so many friends have opened up to me in the past few weeks… but alas, this was my thought when I wrote this.) So I’m spilling my guts to my computer screen. At 11PM. On a Monday. God, help me. (Literally).
I am reading the book Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst right now, and it’s so fitting. I just started and feel like I’ve gotten bits of nuggets from it, but still waiting for my ah-ha! moment to arrive and be fixed… but that doesn’t just happen from reading a book. That happens from intentional prayer, reading multiple books, chewing on the truth (not literally, but mentally), hashing things out with God, waiting, listening, worshiping, and possibly repeating the process multiple times.
What I do know is how I feel, and I recognize these are lies. I feel unwanted… forgotten… unlovable…. maybe I start to believe the lies because I can think of so many events I wasn’t invited to, inside jokes I don’t know, opportunities I wasn’t included in, the times people who I’ve met before literally forgot me. Every time one of these things happen, it’s like a tiny stab in my heart. So I scroll through a Facebook feed and those tiny stabs lead to a gaping hole.
A hole in my heart that people aren’t meant to fill. My feelings of being loved don’t reside in people justifying it. I (should) know I am loved, because I am called Beloved by my Creator and Savior. I belong because He says I belong to Him. I may not belong to every clique or club, but I belong to His kingdom, and that (should be) is enough. I am never forgotten. My God knows my thoughts, my sorrows, my emotions every second of every day… and despite that He still wants me. He longs for my heart. I long for that to be enough.
How do I believe this truth? I know I’m not the only one who has these struggles. Please share your tips and truths below.
4 thoughts on “A Message for the Lonely: You are Not Alone”
I feel like you literally read my heart on this one girl! I think that as moms and wives, we give so much of ourselves away to the needs of others that we at times FORGET to call a friend or take time out to do something WE enjoy! And in the process of constantly ignoring our desires, we lose oursleves more and more. One thing I have done to help ease the lie of loneliness is to make it a point to reach out to one girlfriend each week! I try to meet up with them, but if it’s not possible then simply sharing messages over text or FB has helped me to not feel so disconnected! I know it’s a bit easier with one kiddo, but once about every 2 weeks, I leave my son with his daddy (of course, my son is in bed by 7:30 so this helps) and I go out with a friend to hang out. It has honestly made a WORLD of difference in not feeling so lonely! And as always, if you ever want to hang out, you just give me a call!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes girl, this is SO good! Self care is so important. I’m so glad we’re getting together, It’s super helpful. I love you girlie!!
Hey Amanda! Just now came across this post and wanted to leave a comment as I can relate to the whole scrolling through Facebook and feeling sorry for myself thing. I do not have FB anymore, all the above being one reason. I found myself feeling angry as Inread through everyone that was having so much fun, all the success and all the friends etc and there I am just at home, with all the responsibilities.
I remember when people used to invite me places and I could never go when I was a single mom for so many years and at the time I would think how dumb it was to get asked on a Tuesday night what I was doing. Um, going home to my kid, duh. Over the past couple years, the invites are gone and I feel lonely at times too. Of course, hormones have a lot to do with it, lol!
Anyway, glad I came across this and I also have come to a almost at peace with the feeling. But, when the dang hormones get in the way and it seems like everything just sucks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Liz! Thank you for comment. I’ve come to understand with this post that this a common thread in motherhood, in one form or another. Comparison can be so cruel. I’m working on shifting my focus on things that matter, and letting go of comparison and working on creating community with fellow mamas. We can totally chat over the phone if you want… on a Tuesday night lol Thanks again for stopping by! 🙂